i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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