I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
