it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
