I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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