I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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