Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize