You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
