I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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