If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She just used a chaser for red wine.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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