I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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