She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sober January is a disaster.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
