Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize