but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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