i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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