dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize