i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
