I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I didn't notice because vodka
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
