3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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