I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
