I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
