I just saw a hot homeless man
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
