there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
