just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
