I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
