I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
