I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
