Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
