I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
