it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
