two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
