I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
