Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
