this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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