I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
