will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we're making bets on your personal life
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
