I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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