If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize