literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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