That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
