My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
