We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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