you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
