he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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