I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
