Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
