I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize