i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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