Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
