just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
