I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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