Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
