just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Let's get the cat blown out
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
