Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
