if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
