I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
