My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
