Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
