I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
