no. you can't hotbox the world.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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