we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
