I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
