he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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