Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
