wanna go halves on a baby?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
