oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
