I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
