if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize