How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
