I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
