I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
