We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
