I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
