you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
