The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
