it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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