epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
