just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She's the barista slut.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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