It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize