the new term for farting is butt boxing.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize