is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
