omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
