Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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