is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
