only you would photoshop your dick
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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