im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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