where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
