cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
