Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
