yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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