remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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