I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
