Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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