I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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