I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
