The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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