I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
