I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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