Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
