I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
