mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
