just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
