I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
