I'd wear matching sweaters with you
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize